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Sarah's Journal
20 most recent entries

Date:2003-08-17 15:14

I can only imagine

What it will be like

When I walk by Your side

I can only imagine

What my eyes will see

When Your face is before me

I can only imagine

Surrounded by Your glory, what will my heart feel

Will I dance for you Jesus, or in awe of You be still

Will I stand in Your presence, or to my knees will I fall

Will I sing hallelujah, will I be able to speak at all

I can only imagine

I can only imagine

When that day comes

And I find myself standing in the Son

I can only imagine

When all I will do

Is forever, forever worship You

I can only imagine

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Date:2003-08-15 16:43

I have not written in this thing for soooo long. Ive been writting in another online Journal type thingy xanga.com. I miss writting in here though. My life is so wierd right now. I feel totally rejected by a boy. Which sounds so dumb and I know that I'm not meant to be with him, but i miss so much about him. Maybe i miss the fact of having a boyfriend rather than the boyfriend himself. After the breakup I was determined to turn my life around. And I havent had a drink of alcohol since the 4ht of July. I just havent had the urge, eventhough i will most likely have some drinks when i turn 21. But I am totally over the whole "party" scene. I have been trying to rely on God and cry out to him so he can fill this awful emptiness inside of me, but its not going away. uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. why are boys so lame. why do i still have so much hurt?

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Date:2002-10-15 23:11
Mood: blah

Current Clothes: sweats and a sweatshirt
Current Mood: lonley and sort of depressed
Current Music: Someone...DJ London
Current Taste: french onion soup
Current Make-up: nada...clean face
Current Hair: umm...blonde, and down
Current Annoyance: lonliness
Current Smell: my moms lotion
Current Thing I Ought To Be Doing: homework, or sleeping
Current Desktop Picture: some baseball player
Current Favorite Singer: umm..any trance
Current Favorite Group: orlando DJs
Current CD In CD Player: MP3 mix with 145 songs
Current DVD In Player: Romeo and Juliet
Current Color Of Toenails: ugly purple from the cruise...it looked good with my dress and the Iguanas liked it
Current Refreshment: none
Current Worry: Bio Test next week..rrr

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Date:2002-09-29 22:10
Subject:Just a few things...

Today was a very relaxing day. I had a good time. But then I came home. We are remodeling our kitchen and let me tell you, you would not want to be around my mom when all of this is happening. It makes me so mad that she has to take everything out on me, and she gets so nosy sometimes it really pisses me off. I need my space. I cant wait until i transfer schools and I can get the hell out of here. I want to be far away so she wont bother me. even if i am being good, she sitll thinks that I am not, because she never forgets things, and she never thinks that people can change. She only thinks thast you are changed if you are bible thumper. Yea i love God, but im not going to go around and shout it in other peoples faces. Cant i live my own life? i am not going to look down upon people because they dont go to church or they dont belive in God, who cares that is what they think and they can think it. If God really wants them to belive in him then He will take control.
Another thing...I miss my love. He is so far away right now and geeze, I dont even know if i will ever see him again. I really want to though. Hopefully if i move to the east coast he will come see me there or maybe before that. Nobody has made me feel the way he did, and I love all of the things he writes to me, it gets me through my day. He made me feel like a princess everytime i was with him. I would give anything to be sitting on the deck of the ship looking out at the dark ocean with the moon refelcting off of it in his arms. Those times were the most special to me and I will never forgeth them. I fi never see him again, I can at least say that I met someone very special and had a great time with him...also, i went through the crew member only doors...what a rebel i am...lol...and i saw all the cool things the crew does behind the scenes..lol. So fun. When i get a cat I am going to name it Jorge..hehe yea right I will never get a cat...maybe when I move to the east coast....that will be a century...oh well ive got to keep my hopes up about something...right? Well anyway i am going to go read the emails from Jorge like 20 times them ill try to get soem sleep....nitenite

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Date:2002-09-04 11:35
Mood: excited

Well my birthday is in 5 days and im kinda excited...im nore excited that in 10 days from now, at this time i will either be on the plane to Ft Lauderdale or really yhere. Either way that will be very very nice. And then the next day the 15th i will be in the Big Ship...Finally. The day is getting so close. I cant wait to see all of my family! This is a once in a lifetime trip and will never be forgotten. 7 days...ahhh. Well right now i think i am going to hit the beach so i can get a little more tan... Other than all of this excitement life is good...

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Date:2002-08-31 15:26

Collapsing was much softer
Still falling always hurt
Only after sensing your love
For always ever burned

You justified my folly
My affluent disguise
Removed revealing nothing
Yet nothing unforgiven lies
Unforgiven lies

No one loves me like you
No one loves me the way you do
No one loves me like you
No one loves me the way, the way that you do

To touch the rose unfearful
Is to meet the thorn
And pierce the heart's emotion
And feel the emptiness no more
Emptiness no more

Took some time to realize I've fallen

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Date:2002-08-26 22:14


You Are a Cybernormal!

You know how to find all the online action.

But you only respond if you have a strong attraction.

You've got to step up, if you want to get down or dirty.

Or you might not get laid again - until you're 30!

Are *You* a Cyberslut?


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Date:2002-08-26 15:32

What's Your Sexual MO? Find out @ She's Crafty

Are you a ho? Find out @ She's Crafty

Who's Your 80s Movie Icon Alter-Ego? Find out @ She's Crafty

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Date:2002-08-25 19:12

Take the "What kind of cone are you?" Test

created by sami

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Date:2002-08-25 19:03


What fuzzy creature are you?

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Date:2002-08-25 19:02

you're american beauty. you're full of hope and appreciate the beautiful things in life.

take the which prettie movie are you? quiz, a product of the slinkstercool community.

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Date:2002-08-24 21:13

This is what Nicole got!!!

I&apos;m The Listener!

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Date:2002-08-22 16:30

I&apos;m The Motivator!

I&apos;m Bashful!

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Date:2002-08-20 13:20

name = Sarah
x. age = 19
x. piercings = my ears
x. tattoos = nope
x. height = 5'2''
x. shoe size = 7
x. hair color = blonde
x. length = its getting long, it covers my boobs
x. siblings = Aimee, Jeff and Matt
x. pets = nope, i want a kitty or a pug
x. movie you rented = none
x. movie you bought = Virgin Suicides
x. song you listened to = Alanis Morisette-Right Through You
x. song that was stuck in your head= Nothin
x. song you've downloaded = Never There--Cake
x. cd you listened to = No Doubt...Tragic Kingdom
x. person you've called = Nobody yet today
x. person that called you = My daddy
x. tv show you've watched = I just watched "Love Hurts"
x. person you were thinking of = someone
x. you have a bf or gf = nope
x. you have a crush on someone = i wouldnt call it a crush
x. you wish you could live somewhere else = Yes, I dont care where just somewhere else
x. you think about suicide = no, its not the solution
x. you believe in online dating = no, thats just weird
x. others find you attractive = i guess...not right now though
x. you want more piercings = nope
x. you want more tattoos = nope
x. you drink = sometimes
x. you do drugs = maybe
x. you smoke = cigs are nasty!!
x. you like cleaning = if im in the mood
x. you like roller coasters = yup
x. you write in cursive or print = everything, but I like caps
x. you carry a donor card = no, but I am
x. long distance relationships = I could work...TRUST
x. using someone = cruel
x. suicide = bleh
x. killing people = stupid
x. teenage smoking = "look at me..im cool!"
x. doing/trying drugs = whatever floats your boat...but dont forget about real life...drugs wont get you through
x. premarital sex = no opinion
x. driving drunk = stupid
x. gay/lesbian relationships = ew, but I still love my aunt...hehe
x. soap operas = STUPID!!!!!!!!!!

x. food = thai
x. song = anything with a good beat
x. thing to talk about = funny stuff
x. sports = DANCE
x. clothes = the jeans darla let me keep
x. movies = virgin suicides
x. band = no doubt, Avril Lavigne
x. holiday = my birthday and chirstmas
x. cars = i like my jeep but Id rather have a VW GTI

x. ever cried over a girl = when a friend hurts my feelings, yea
x. ever cried over a boy = yea, but I shouldnt have wasted my tears
x. ever lied to someone = yea :(
x. ever been in a fist fight = yea 4th grade...lol, but i wouldnt mind fighting adrienne
x. ever been arrested = nope

x. shampoo do you use = pantine pro V
x. shoes do you wear = jacks, pumas, flip flops
x. are you scared of = getting my heart broken again

x. of times I have been in love? = once
x. of times I have had my heart broken? = twice
x. of hearts I have broken? = i think im breaking his now
x. of boys I have kissed? = umm...2 or maybe more :)
x. of girls I have kissed? = just a peck
x. of men I've slept with? = touchy subject
x. of girls I've slept with? = none.
x. of continents I have lived in? = 1
x. of people I would classify as true, could trust with my life type friends? 1
x. of cd's that I own? like 50
x. of times my name has appeared in the newspaper? = probably once
x. of scars on my body? = 3, but they are all going away
x. of things in my past that I regret? = everything happen for a reason

x. funniest? darla
x. loudest? me
x. shyest? nicole
x. most trustworthy? nicole
x. prettiest? all of them
x. coolest? we are all cool!!!
x. best girl friend? nicole
x. best guy friend? probably j, eventhough we never see eachother

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Date:2002-08-16 16:24
Mood: bouncy

My aunt and cousin came to visit. The men from africa were with them. They are going to live in the US now. I was very impressed with these men and how they want to start a new life here in america. My aunts finace is younger than her youngest son, so that is very weird for everyone in the family to grasp. My cousin seems to be happy with her husband Kara. He is very cool and we talk about chocolate alot. He likes my Belgian chocolate.hehe. He has dreds and they are so cool. Im excited because they are going to live in California so they will be close. Last night we all went to my grandparents house for dinner and my family was huge. I was sitting back and looking at how diverse my family is becoming and how i feel like we are more of a family now that we are gaining new members. Also I am not as much the baby anymore, I will be the baby until someone has a kid, but i feel like i fit in more with my cousins and just everyone in general. For the longest time I was so much younger than everyone I always felt left out. Our family is becoming a mixture of all cultures and hopefullly one day i will travel to Africa to see where Mara comes from.
My parents are going out of town for a week!!! Party!!jk, this will be a great time to just relax, hopefully i will work cuz I need money. In a month on this say we will be on a beautiful cruise ship sailing across the Atlantic ocean into the beautiful Caribbean Islands...YAY!
there is no love, just love from my friends and family, but Nicole met some guy at Wild rivers and we are goingto hang out with him and his friend tonight..Yay, new doors will open.

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Date:2002-08-11 19:26
Subject:The day was Great

Today was so mellow and i havent had a mellow day in a long time. It wasnt one of those days where you sit around saying "what should i do". you just do things and it feels perfect. Florence and I went to wahoos of course...it was our last time there for a while. towards the end of the meal we were making eachother crack up so hard. It would be so weird if i had never met her. Our friendship is something so special. I would have never thought that i would make such a close friend that lives so far away. Its fun!!! I am enjing the last few weeks of vacation and i cant wait until my parents go out of town so i ca relax for a whole week!!! yay!!!! well im off to a bonfire where i have to say my goodbyes to Florence...This will be sad, but we will just tell eachother that we will see eachother later...its easier that way.....

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Date:2002-08-02 08:25
Mood: annoyed

I had a dream last night where i was crying over something i didnt even know if i should be crying over. i was trying to cry but just so this person could see, but it wasnt what i wanted. it really sucked because it drained some energy out of me. i woke up feeling like i really had to cry and i did a little. i went to babysit 2 hours too early and that really pises me off because i am, sooo tired. but if i go back to bed i will only be more tired, because i will have to wake up agian. oh well...ill watch tv.

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Date:2002-07-15 17:01
Mood: hopeful

I was asked that horrible question last night, "what should I do" I hate giving people answers because I never know if it is the right one. So I was making Dena more confused and I was making myself more confused. Then all of a sudden I I felt like I just got an A on a test. I has the right answer. I told Dena to pray and the answer will come. God will help her. That was the answer! When in doubt...Pray. So then it was Denas turn to ask me something....to pray for her. This was seriously something I havent done in probably a year and a half. I was scared and nervous that God didnt want to hear me calling his name and asking him for guidence and help. But I knew in my heart that there was no other way to solve Dena undecicive mind. Dena and I sat in her car, held hands, and prayed together. I think it was one of the most awesome experiences I have had in a long time. The words of my prayer flowed out of my mouth uncontrolably. Everything I was saying made so much sence and seemed so perfect. Dena closed the prayer and hers was even more awesome. It was times like that that kept me beliveing. After praying we talked about how awesome that was and how lucky we are to know to pray in a time of need and God will hear us and help us. Dena immeadiaty felt weight being lifted off her shoulders, eventhough the answer didnt come right away. My heart felt funny. I felt as though what we had just experienced was God. There is no other way to explain that but God. You can have faith as small as a mustard seed and God will be there for you. It was great! I know God will answer us Dena!! He loves us and wants the best for us. He will bring men into our lives that will make us melt and make us smile and make us complete. Time will only tell, but faith will lead us through time!! I love you Dena!!

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Date:2002-07-08 23:14
Subject:im a playa hate'n playa.....ummm
Mood: blah

its so hard to see him like this. its been two years. i dont like the way he looks now. but when i was looking into his eyes...i got a glimps of what i had felt. its crazy that i dont feel that now. i try not to feel that now, because i wouldnt want to get hurt again. i am single now for a reason...because i cant trust anyone. ive been hurt twice, in the same way and letting someone into my heart again, is going to take alot. if i cant trust anyone, then how does he expect me to trust him? i liked it when he was telling me that what he did was wrong and stupid, he has never admitted the truth to me, and it seemed so honest and true...so planned out. he told me that there isnt a day that goes by without thinking about this. that crushes me because i felt like i moved on, he seemes to be in the same place. he was never this up front with me when all of this was happening. so this is a side i am pleased to see...maybe with his next girl he will do better. he told me that he doesnt know anyone that could hold on to someone like I did, and he couldnt belive how i stood by his side eventhough he screwed up. i wish i could be his friend, because he needs a mentor. but he doenst want it that way. its all or nothing.

DiVa2233: i got pushed in the pool
Busterz64: haha, good

i dont feel like our conversation was very good. it didnt end or start how i wanted it to. maybe we shouldnt have even talked but i didnt want to see like a bitch. i dont feel like any weight has lifted off my shoulders...boo hoo!

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Date:2002-06-28 10:13
Mood: aggravated

Im being pulled in 2 directions and I dont know which way to turn. In one direction I have friends and fun, but the other direction I have family,and love. I want to stop, but I would be giving up so much and right now I dont know if that is what I want to do. Why cant my mom just accept my decisions and belive that one day i will turn around. When school starts Im not even going to have time for anything else. Right now I just want to do what I want to do. I wish my mom would just leave me alone about this whole thing. What makes me mad is that Im always the one the get in trouble, my parents always find everything out, then my friends can still go on and have all of this'fun" but Im am here feeling guilty for what I do. Its just not fair. I wish life was easier, but i guess it wouldnt be called life if it was easy. I just dont think anyone understands where I come from. I never know what I belive in. I havent known for a long time, and that scares me so much. Evne if it isnt real it still made me feel like i was living a good life and living for a reason. Nicole doenst understand, anything I saw to her she thinks that I am trying to put her down, but Im not i just have opinions of my own! ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i wanna scream, this sucks. I hate my life. I hate everything that has happened to me. I wish I could move and start all over, Or i wish I could rewind 2 years and cut all of this crap out of my life.

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